Some Mentations...

Overhwleming paradise with no tags attached...
Silencing yet resounding landscapes, awe - muting words and description,
Nature abounds...far and near; touching the brevity of creation...
Yet, holding caution...the creatures tread;
Footsteps mellowed, voiced tuned; wariness omnipresent in the subconscious...
Expectation from nature; both gifts and flak...
Never to scorn or reject, just acceptance with grace in every pore...
Nature's wrath - cruel when it strikes,
whilst its bounty always more than just to suffice...
Changing times and creatures' greed, though re-routed the context...
Where once nature meandered, its conception fettered its unchartered courses...

Fuddle and Befuddle

There's life, and there's existence...
There's freedom, and there's allowance...
There's contentment, and there's compromise...
There are words, and there are substitutes...
Expressions and nuances - minuscle yet impactful;
While bellows and boisterousness - unclear as in a rowdy ruckus...
Entendres and undertones mar the amicable comradery,
Countenacing discord and distrust to carve a disturbing furore...
Adjustments and alterations; tried and tested all,
Nothing favours nor ticks; nothing except acute exasperation...
A change is imminent; a change necessary...
But change means quitting and a quitter is not what I want to be...

Cerebration...

If I could apologise, I would in a jiffy...
Rewind the past and the words unsaid,
Efface the hurt and bitterness seeping through,
Score out the rancour and despise all around,
Blot the deeds and thoughts that pervaded,
And play up the drollness and oneness that we used to share...
I hope heart-of-hearts for a rapprochement, a reconciliation...
I wish to plead and entreat my cause,
Make you understand and consider my stance,
My conscience never scuppered, never violated...
Yet, something forestalls me, pulling me away from your path;
Warning me of your prevarications, your equivocations and prejudices...
Once again, I am forced to rehash my past retentions...
Only to realise, your minor lies and deception finally outgrew your affection for me...

People who condemn me,
People who shun me,
The crowd that loathes and despises me,
Everywhere I go, the stares and fingers follow,
Yet bearing the brunt of savagery, I keep spurring forth...
Hiding and cowering, never my intention;
For my scurples are as intact as ever...
But the world of quagmire, makes them appear old and redundant...
The denial to sell my conscience labels me a worst offender...
Allowing sincereity, integrity, protest and bellows fall in the same bracket;
Leaving a bitter taste about the passion and dedication to my chosen field of career...

Thinking about the past,
Musing about the future,
The present presenting a constant reality,
I have begun to see through my follies;
I screech, I rant - trying to deny,
But heart of hearts, I know I can't lie...
Being truthful to myself, isn't easy...
Trying to prevaricate, even harder;
Yet reflections are brutally frank,
The self-recriminations that follow hard to swallow,
I want to reform - to undo and redo things,
But remorse and self-reproach seem far too late for me...

Maze of thoughts...

Plodding ahead into the labyrinthine existence,
Trying to unravel the threads of thought,
Wanting to perceive the convolutions of life,
Willing and prodding forth every bit of consciousness,
Holding on to the last shed of sanity,
Trying to twist and mould the imperfect,
Attempting to alter the pre-destined,
Challenging fate to achieve success;
The risk of failure, a constant stalker,
Determination making us continue,
Giving no place for cowardice; even in defeat...
Epitomising thus, the needed lessons in survival...

Thoughts...

One day I'll be free,
One day I shall face happiness,
One day I shall sleep fitfully;
Whether that day will come or not, am unaware...
My dreams, yet, are my own...
An audacity to hope, if not live...