Friday, 30 September 2011

In the Horizon...A Gecko

I stare at it morbidly. It's there, right in front of my eyes viewing me with its beady oculi and I keep staring right back at it. Or maybe it's just my imagination playing games with me. How can a gecko keep staring at me as though I were the only object in its line of sight? Yet rationalisations and practicalities aside, I continue to stare at it, caught up in the fascination of what makes a gecko tick - or should I call stick - to walls.

I have never been a hater of wild animals. On the contrary, my epitaph would probably talk about my dreaded fear of the many and varied creatures of the animal kingdom. Lizards, snails, earthworms, caterpillars, dragon flies...blah, blah...I can keep on going but I am sure, the point must have gotten across. Ironically, I have never been afraid of cockroaches and spiders, even though many of my contemporaries shudder at the very mention of these two creepy-crawlies. I sometimes wonder if this is an aberration to the very existence of fearing creepy insects by human beings. This wondering is substantiated with my currently failing and ailing de facto quest to find a fellow human who is scared of lizards, making me further underscore my point with much more vehemence than I would ever want to acknowledge.

Getting back to the point; the gecko on the wall is mid-sized, has dark rings or circles or whatever is regarded to be grammatically right to talk about a gecko's skin tone. It has a longish tail and four spindly legs, which look so wobbly that I am sure will not be able to support it as it climbs higher on the wall. Yet it climbs and climbs and just like that - starts hovering above my head like a mass of oblongated dirt. The stare which was morbid, now fast exceeds the levels of paranoia and psychosis.

And I am not feeling paranoia without any rhyme or reason. Having a family background which charts the course of a lizard's travel up on the walls with superstition and orthodoxy, I have developed a fear that the lizard scampering on the ceiling will fall on my head where the superstition reads, 'Lizard falling over one's head being equivalent to a near and dear one expiring.' My father scoffs at this rationale - I have to remind myself that he was the one who put this fear in me in the first place - while my mother pretends to be deaf. It's like being caught up from three different sides...left, right and above!

Considering the fact that I live in a metro - Mumbai was , is and will be - it's kind of weird to be stating superstition and astrological charts. But there again, Mumbai comes in India and when in India, think and do as the vintage Indians do. At least, that's what I pacify myself with...

The gecko meanwhile, has found an outlet to scarper and I find myself heaving a big sigh of relief. To the best of my knowledge, till that point I never knew that I was actually holding my breadth or following the course of the lizard's movements so carefully. But anyway, the gecko's gone and my attention reverts back to the football match going on between Arsenal and Manchester United; there's my favourite team socking the Gunners left, right and centre and where was my focus...riveted on to a dark coloured gecko...prioritising, I never did learn that. 

I get back to the game...the eighth goal for Manchester and am whooping for glory when I see it again in the periphery of my eyesight - the gecko with the spangled skin...and once again my eyes start pinpointing its progress as though it's just going to leap out from the wall and make a straight dash to my prestiged head!

Monday, 12 September 2011

Despondency

I am as childish as the word is,
I am as naive as the term sounds,
I hear judgements passed round...
As though my childishness is a tinder for my annihilation....


People say, they know me well...
Yet they skim the surface,
Verbally jousting my sureness,
And making it appear as a perennial jest....


I cannot deviate from their perceiving,
For then they term me an outcast...
My deepest emotions, conflagrate in my heart...
The veneer of indifference, leaving a window naught open...


The world seems to have moved ahead,
Acquaintances and associations, scattered,
Friendships and relationships altered...
Yet, I am where I am...not by choice, but by chance...


I no not, how to change,
For if I ask, scepticism abounds...
I cannot be, because I am forced not to be...
Even though, in the recesses of my heart...I want to be.

Monday, 6 June 2011

Just a thought...

I keep thinking about this and that,
I wonder about the whats and the what nots...
I cannot ask my mind to shut off;
Thinking is its forte..the purpose of its very creation...
But I know what needs to be done;
What can and should be changed;
What merits a turnaround and where...
If I only I could put all these in place;
If I would be determined to want to cause a alteration...
Things would be better...or so I feel...
I wish I could have a straight forward answer;
because I think, I now know all about myself...
A variant that eternally claims,
The grass is somehow greener at the other end...

Truth and Lies

When I learnt to speak...
No one told me what to say,
What to talk and what to hide...
I learnt all by my own self;
When I grew up,
I learnt to adapt...
Learnt to lie and felt that was cool,
I said untruths and denial became my life...
Where was the truth, the atom of honesty?
There was none, but who actually searched for the same?
Things were simple and things were easy...
Truth complicated matters, did it not?
That's what I thought, what I deduced...
But then truth ended matters...
Falsification and lies ---made me lie even more...
What's better, what's not?
I am not to judge...
For I am as depraved,
As any human who took the crookedly simple lane...

Scrambles

When I struggle to remember
When I struggle to keep up
When I lose faith in you,
And when I lose faith in myself...
When I fumble on a step
When I falter on my words
When I cry over spilt milk
When I decide without thinking
When I pause without cause
When I talk and chatter,
And when I am muted thoroughly...
I always know you'll be there
Whatever I do, whenever I do...
I don't lose hope,
For I know, without hope
I'll lose my only connection with you....

Friday, 27 May 2011

Swirling Mentations...

Feeling lonely as always,
Standing out - looking in at the milling crowd,
wanting to fathom, why am I so disconnected?
I began to realise - why wasn't I one of them...

My skin-tone different,
My hair-texture different,
The way I talk...
The way I walk...
All unlike the accepted norm....

But...who sets these norms?
Weren't they different too?
No two fingers alike....
Or were they all created to be synonymous zombies??

My being different...
Is it a matter or pride or shame?
Different horizon, different perspective...
What's right and what's wrong?

An impasse...
A point of no return....
No compromises anywhere...
Denial - in its unequivocality, everywhere...





















Saturday, 14 May 2011

Dear Roger Federer...

Oh dear Roger Federer, how I wish I was an alchemist...
I could have given you a potion to stay eternally young...
There would not have been any rivals, peers or nemesis;
There would have been only you - through and through...
People and players would have come and gone...
Decades and decades worth of trophies would have accumulated...
One lord and one master to conquer the sport...
Your fans would have been perpetually blessed...
But you know what?
Like always, there would have been a catch...
Others would have rued their chances, cried over their minor mistakes...
But they never would have had a chance, would they?
That's why Roger..
Even as it pains me..
To see you lose and observe your failings...
I would not give you the potion...
The mantle's passing on,
As it should be...
and that's why Roger...
I am not an alchemist and you are not a follower of alchemy...

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