Of have's and the Have Not's...

I wish I could escape,

Put behind everyone and continue alone...

I wish I coule evade,

Truth, lies, judgement and prevarications...

I wish I could avoid,

Blot and mute all I don't want to listen and speak...

I wish I could die,

Leave the world and everything in it eternally...

I feel I am a coward,

For I talk of evasions and escapism...

I feel I am despicable,

Nothing good in me shining out before others...

I feel I am wretched,

Shattered and bruised, ready to give up...

I feel I am a letdown,

To myself and everyone around...

What I feel and what I am;

Are they conflicting or are they truth enough?

Am I immature or have I senesced plenty?

Or am I just raving, like a maniac in a panic-induced frenzy?