Monday 22 November 2010

Encore, muzyki

"Where words fail, music speaks" ; how profound is this simple statement. The emotion and the passion which is conveyed through the manifestion of sound is something that nothing else can ever come close to equalling it. And while, music necessiates the very presence of passion and love for laying it out before the world like any other hobby or interest on one hand, the expression of music when one enjoys it to the hilt - both as a performer and as a listener is one that is full of clarity, resonance and complete rapture, on the other.

My first experience of a concerto held at the amphitheatre (Tata Theatre), NCPA was one which had all the above adjectvies specified. Additionally, sublime and ethereal are the other two adjectives which gain precedence over any other feeling that one might think to harbour - even unintentionally. 
        
The violinists, the cellists, the violists, the flute-players, the drummer, the tuba players and the cornetists were seamless in their flow and so proficient that one could actually feel envious of the way they played their instruments. Music ebbed and music rose, hushed tones and resounding cresendo; music was offered and was laid before the listener like a fĂȘte - the conductor, adept at succeeding in the decocting of the listeners' attention span for the two hours in its entirety.
        
And, if the orchestra was the cake, the icing was yet to come. Since the event commemorated the 175th birth anniversary of the legendary composer Tachaikovsky, listeners gathered at the amphitheatre had another enrapturing performance in store by Israeli soloist Hadar Rimon who held the audience spell-bound with her deliverance of Tsaikovsky opuses to a standing ovation and the sounds of "encore" permeating from all around the amphitheatre.The deliverance by the soloist and the accompaniment by the orchestra was mesmerising and riveting; like a perennial river it flowed and flowed, saturating the sense of sight and the sense of hearing completely and absolutely.
          
The final chorus given by members of the Paranjyoti Academy was the apt curtain finale to the event, giving the audience yet another chance to rise up and give the cliched-yet-amply-deserving "thunderous" applause to the performers; making it an evening worth remembering, not just for the audience but also for the concertists and the entire choral group.
         
There are certain things that can be understood even by being just a bystander from afar and there are few things that one needs to experience on a personal basis so to form an opinion or a judgement about them. And attending a concerto, just to know and experience a sliver about the intricacies of music, features top-most unequivocally in the latter compilation.
           
          
       

Sunday 7 November 2010

Of have's and the Have Not's...

I wish I could escape,
Put behind everyone and continue alone...
I wish I coule evade,
Truth, lies, judgement and prevarications...
I wish I could avoid,
Blot and mute all I don't want to listen and speak...
I wish I could die,
Leave the world and everything in it eternally...

I feel I am a coward,
For I talk of evasions and escapism...
I feel I am despicable,
Nothing good in me shining out before others...
I feel I am wretched,
Shattered and bruised, ready to give up...
I feel I am a letdown,
To myself and everyone around...

What I feel and what I am;
Are they conflicting or are they truth enough?
Am I immature or have I senesced plenty?
Or am I just raving, like a maniac in a panic-induced frenzy?

Monday 25 October 2010

Beholding and Visualising...

Eyes - a reverberation to the world;
Evincing emotions and persuasions,
Some beguiling, some guileless...
Some blank as a slate, making the noun - a paradox...
Coquettish and coy, intriguing and intrepid;
Dark and light, Blue and hazel;
Different shades, diffusing diverse panorama across...
Descriptions various, elaboration assorted;
In the world's eyes; eyes, never what they are meant to be...

Tuesday 12 October 2010

A Contemplation

Concentration eludes me, Irritation gripes me;
Shackling my inner self,
Restraining my instincts...
I seek to digress, endeavour to divert;
Hope for attention to hold, for botheration to dissipate;
But to no avail...it reappears - an egress; baffling and flummoxing me...
Avoiding and skirting, never an alternative, even if available...
Confrontation and face-off, breaking my veneer time and time over...
I desire for a change, I plead for a shift;
Beg for the yins and rave at the yangs...
And then amidst the melee, I sense strangeness enveloping;
I question my actions, excogitate over my deeds...
Am I a coward or am I intrepid?
Or am I just being what nature intended me to be...a fallible human?

Wednesday 6 October 2010

Bereavement

The days hovering over,
Time, abruptly flying by;
Motions and oscillations seeming incongruous,
Normalcy appearing a duty unescapable,
Crowd milling around like a bizarre occurence,
Seeping in and out, brushing past an automation;
My speech and hearing, though dampened and hushed;
Evey deed, a banality; every action like I were a marionette...
In my mind, just one chant, just one intonation...
No blocking, no averting it; only bare acquiescence...
It has come to an end, a curtain finale to what I have held close;
My existence, my thoughts, my friends...the crux of my life,
Moving on, the next step...but I don't want to, don't wish to...
My only fear...losing even your memories - gags and agonies;
Let me retain those, treasure those and grieve for those...
With a free promise given to never wish for anything ever again...

Monday 20 September 2010

Drifting Musings...

Inspiring words - hollow without feelings;
Soothing music - shallow without warmth;
Tender care - insipid without emotion;
Equable fraternity - impossible without trust;
Living a life - inconceivable without zest...
The world a web, the people behind masks;
Hiding and obliterating, defiant and resisting honesty;
Falsified faces, deceiving sentiments, conceited actions;
The masquerade rarely slipping, each hoodwinking the other,
Lie outstripping everything, hypocrisy and deception - a fait accompli...
Encroaching and poaching on the barely left path of artlessness...
Fear and trepidation - devoid, revelry and fecklessness - paramount;
When will the dissemble end, when will the charade stop?
Or will black always be white, when it has to be otherwise?

Sunday 12 September 2010

Trust and faith - tough to achieve, easy to break;
Fealty and loyalty - never to be bought, but be earned;
Integrity and morals - asset worth having, always priceless;
Qualities worth possessing, qualities that redeem,
Right and wrong, truth and lies;
Overlap and mingle...
Black and white - not so easy to decipher;
Shifting generation and developing ages; transmuting and convoluting priorities,
Does there need to be change, is it important, is it relevant?
Or should shallowness permeate, as only superficiality can...

Saturday 11 September 2010

Disjointed abstractions...

Lighting up the way,
Shining along like a sun's pure ray...
People awed by her,
Friends sweared by her...
Neither beauty nor brawn,
Only her brain spawned...
Impressing all over,
Victory, making it sweeter and sweeter...
Her pride soared,
Care nought a tuppence, she rode;
Alas, pride hath a fall,
And loved ones turned to loathe...
Realisation far too late,
Turning backs, worship started to abate...
'What have I done', lamented she...
Tried to change, tried to turn...
Though none to see newly reformed spree...

Wednesday 8 September 2010

Some Mentations...

Overhwleming paradise with no tags attached...
Silencing yet resounding landscapes, awe - muting words and description,
Nature abounds...far and near; touching the brevity of creation...
Yet, holding caution...the creatures tread;
Footsteps mellowed, voiced tuned; wariness omnipresent in the subconscious...
Expectation from nature; both gifts and flak...
Never to scorn or reject, just acceptance with grace in every pore...
Nature's wrath - cruel when it strikes,
whilst its bounty always more than just to suffice...
Changing times and creatures' greed, though re-routed the context...
Where once nature meandered, its conception fettered its unchartered courses...

Thursday 2 September 2010

Fuddle and Befuddle

There's life, and there's existence...
There's freedom, and there's allowance...
There's contentment, and there's compromise...
There are words, and there are substitutes...
Expressions and nuances - minuscle yet impactful;
While bellows and boisterousness - unclear as in a rowdy ruckus...
Entendres and undertones mar the amicable comradery,
Countenacing discord and distrust to carve a disturbing furore...
Adjustments and alterations; tried and tested all,
Nothing favours nor ticks; nothing except acute exasperation...
A change is imminent; a change necessary...
But change means quitting and a quitter is not what I want to be...

Tuesday 10 August 2010

Cerebration...

If I could apologise, I would in a jiffy...
Rewind the past and the words unsaid,
Efface the hurt and bitterness seeping through,
Score out the rancour and despise all around,
Blot the deeds and thoughts that pervaded,
And play up the drollness and oneness that we used to share...
I hope heart-of-hearts for a rapprochement, a reconciliation...
I wish to plead and entreat my cause,
Make you understand and consider my stance,
My conscience never scuppered, never violated...
Yet, something forestalls me, pulling me away from your path;
Warning me of your prevarications, your equivocations and prejudices...
Once again, I am forced to rehash my past retentions...
Only to realise, your minor lies and deception finally outgrew your affection for me...

Saturday 7 August 2010

People who condemn me,
People who shun me,
The crowd that loathes and despises me,
Everywhere I go, the stares and fingers follow,
Yet bearing the brunt of savagery, I keep spurring forth...
Hiding and cowering, never my intention;
For my scurples are as intact as ever...
But the world of quagmire, makes them appear old and redundant...
The denial to sell my conscience labels me a worst offender...
Allowing sincereity, integrity, protest and bellows fall in the same bracket;
Leaving a bitter taste about the passion and dedication to my chosen field of career...

Thursday 15 July 2010

Thinking about the past,
Musing about the future,
The present presenting a constant reality,
I have begun to see through my follies;
I screech, I rant - trying to deny,
But heart of hearts, I know I can't lie...
Being truthful to myself, isn't easy...
Trying to prevaricate, even harder;
Yet reflections are brutally frank,
The self-recriminations that follow hard to swallow,
I want to reform - to undo and redo things,
But remorse and self-reproach seem far too late for me...

Monday 12 July 2010

Maze of thoughts...

Plodding ahead into the labyrinthine existence,
Trying to unravel the threads of thought,
Wanting to perceive the convolutions of life,
Willing and prodding forth every bit of consciousness,
Holding on to the last shed of sanity,
Trying to twist and mould the imperfect,
Attempting to alter the pre-destined,
Challenging fate to achieve success;
The risk of failure, a constant stalker,
Determination making us continue,
Giving no place for cowardice; even in defeat...
Epitomising thus, the needed lessons in survival...

Tuesday 6 July 2010

Thoughts...

One day I'll be free,
One day I shall face happiness,
One day I shall sleep fitfully;
Whether that day will come or not, am unaware...
My dreams, yet, are my own...
An audacity to hope, if not live...

Wednesday 30 June 2010

Cogitation

Echoing thoughts, disjointed voices;
Critical audience, cynical followers;
Bond of trust fragile - easily broken, easily fragmented;
Hard work, though, never compromised...
Disappointment - a curdling emotion,
Tearing apart effort and expectation ruthlessly,
Allowing envy, discord and rancour to snake in venomously
and shred the last lingering thread of humility;
Competition turning malevolent, integrity losing ground...
A by-product of success- corrosiveness and bitterness;
Corrupting and transforming a human into a festering and rabid animal...

Wednesday 23 June 2010

Cerebral Drifts

People come, people go...
They pass like a river's swift flow,
But some remain etched in memory;
Evoking confidence and provoking inspiration,
Their mere mention raising hope and its baritone...
Their friendship worth so much more than money,
While their companionship absolutely unlike any...
Experiences of such comradeship not shared by many;
Causing envy and jealousy among those who never get to partake such a unique camaraderie...

Wednesday 16 June 2010

Reflections

Thinking about the past,
Musing about the future,
The present, presenting a constant reality...
The epiphanies are suddenly upon me...
I screech and rant, trying to avoid and deny;
While heart of hearts, I know I cannot lie...
Expressing truth, never ever easy;
Concealment and subterfuge, however even harder...
My reflections portraying my true self,
Blunt and brutally frank, they make me cower;
But where do I go and hide? My conscience follows me everywhere...
Into thoughts and actions that mattered not earlier;
My recriminations with self make me question my values and beliefs,
Wishing morality and integrity had shone on me before;
To prevent my unfettered life turn into an unassailable morass...

Sunday 6 June 2010

A tribute


Caught between hatred and contempt,
Harbouring rancour and detest,
Favouritism, giving way to disregard...
I failed to perceive your innate humility and tenacity...

Your victories evoked vindictiveness,
while your losses signified vindication,
Passion for one, oft leading to cacoethes of another...
Objectivity conflicting and losing against prejudices...

Change, though you brought about,
Made me see, made me reflect;
Where I was wrong, whenever I was wrong...
Repent - like I never did before...

Respect and admiration with heartfelt gratitude,
Is all that I can offer;
Profound the way I look at things now...
For, sometimes first impressions never make lasting ones...

Wednesday 2 June 2010

Separation...

Absence makes the agony pour forth,
But does it make the heart grow fonder, I wonder?
Your emptiness, permanent;
Just memories left to salvage...
Nostalgia, a curse...
Makes me want to hide and cry everytime your name crops up...
Amnesia, a wanted bliss;
To forget and fade away,
Anything to make me avoid you...
Any distraction, deviation - merely to provide solace...
But nothing helps nor aids;
My quest for peace leaving me bereft...
Friends shun me, kin exclude me,
Where once I was the heart and soul;
I have transformed into an unwanted zombie!

Friday 9 April 2010

The Catch called Fame

Fame's a fickle friend
Here today and gone tomorrow,
One moment basking in glory
The next shunned in scorn,
The virtue of being famous, a two-edged knife...
Heaven and hell in the same life,
Routine and mundane chores - an undeserved purgatory...
Neither can hide nor conceal, observations and inferences from far, afar...
Yet, attraction holds
Being famous,
A pinnacle like Olympus
Glee and glory not always a result,
Gore and shame,
Creep in through the back door
To be or not to be,
The question
To each to his own,
The answer...
Famous is as famous does; some say,
But does being famous always pay??

Thursday 8 April 2010

Raw Emotions...

Like a dry leaf, I am strewn,
Like a drought patch, I am withered,
No spring nor oasis to resurrect me,
The dryness and hardness, my final grave...

Tiredness - mental and physical,
Lethargy beyond the realms of normalcy,
Happiness is a chore, sadness a necessity,
Bygone days, reversing what the present demands...

I am mute, I am deaf...
I am blind, I am deformed...
I am shattered and scared,
But a confidante never in my sight...

Time is short, tide is high...
An athlete I have become,
Competing against fate, competing against destiny...
Though, a failure is what I will remain for eternity!

Monday 5 April 2010

Muddles and Musings...

Barren and dry my route,
Filled with a mirage called happiness,
Nearer and nearer I go, fainter and fainter it turns...
No end nor dead-end in sight,
But for the horizon seeming far far away...
The more I plod, the distant it appears,
Yet...tiredness venting to optimism, keeps me pushing...
Open labyrinth, my life...
Every sandstorm changing the way, the future presents itself...
I can't envision, nor can I envisage...
My role just restricted to enacting,
Choices - available yet restricted,
I crib, I rant...but yet I just end up carrying on!!

Sunday 4 April 2010

Inner Turmoils...

I tried to be smart,
I tried to grow up,
I tried to make you accept me as I am...
But you never really glanced at me...

I tried to grin and bear it,
I tried to be indifferent,
I tried everything I could, to survive...
But your criticism haunted me everywhere...

I am still trying,
I am still reaching out,
To you and to my own self...
But fading optimism and wan strength is all I have left...

Will you perceive?
Will you understand?
Just once, just this once...
Don't belittle me...
For, I am where I am...just because I choose to be!

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