I set store a lot by the word 'courtesy.' And when I say this I don't mean to imply that I adhere to the literal meaning of the word as described in a dictionary. I don't want a man to stand up from the dining table, just because I am going to be sitting there nor do I want anyone to say 'excuse me' 100 times, if they are having a bout of 100 sneezes one after another.
The thing about courtesy is that no one can teach you to mean it. With all due respect to those who tried being the teacher with me, I wasn't exactly a model pupil. I can recollect this incident when I was about seven and my aunt had taken me to her friend' house. The friend was celebrating her daughter's birthday and while going home, she handed me a pack of pencils. In the excitement to see what brand of pencils, I had received, I conveniently forgot to say 'Thank You' making my aunt prompt those words to me. And I know this that even though I duly repeated the prompt, I wasn't being enthusiastic or meaningful about it. It became like a formality that I had to adhere, lest my aunt started to feel affronted.
And this is what is important. Not just saying the words like a mantra, but meaning it whole-heartedly. After all, it does not take much to mean them, does it? When we can ask for favours without any qualms, why does it take second, third and quadruple thoughts to bring out a simple two-worded terminology? And for those, who invariably get their things done without being asked, the least you could do would be to show - and mean - the most poignant of words to the person bestowing the unasked favour on you.
The world's populace is many and varied. There are people who you want to avoid but are unable to do so; there is that lot that you want and crave to meet desperately, but who avoid you and then, there are friends. No other relationship offers carte blanche to the level that friendship does; where friendship is concerned, it is like there is no courtesy and there is no discourtesy.
This is perhaps the worst part of friendship; where one is revealed to bare everything because the unwritten rule and accord of friendship states that there cannot be any secrets between friends. And since sharing things is not a favour, the concept of being courteous does not even arise. One can push and shove, yell and cuss, ask and demand; but no way is one required to say sorry, please or thank you. It does not bode well for the culture of friendship, or so they say.
For most parts, this setting seems to be fine. But there are times when one actually expects one's friends to reciprocate and they fail do so, leading to unmitigated frustration - not just with the culpable but also with one's own self. And while one might not feel pity for oneself, the feeling of expectancy of such a gesture, would leave the person further mired in guilt and despondency.
Childishness would demand retribution and disappointing the censurable in the same manner, but then one were to do that, what would be the whole point of being an adult and dealing with things like these maturely? Maturity versus immaturity, friendship versus expectation, society versus trends; the list of mental disarray needing to be disambiguated at these times, looks to have no bounds.
Things, it is said, have a way of falling into place. But even if they do,courtesy still would remain as disambiguous as it is. Or maybe, it is crystal clear and I am the one who keeps expecting something more than it could actually be imparted to; Could be that, being courteous is as courteous does.
When I use the term 'courteous', all I am asking is for a simple reciprocation for gestures that require to be done so. While growing up, I was dedicatedly taught to use the three golden words of the Englisg language - please, thank you and sorry. As the days went by, of these three words, I realised that the first and the last were seldom used. The third however, when used, came across as being uttered as a favour to the person who was actually doing the favour in the first place. Talk about ironies - nothing beat saying thank you like "yeah, whatever..."
The thing about courtesy is that no one can teach you to mean it. With all due respect to those who tried being the teacher with me, I wasn't exactly a model pupil. I can recollect this incident when I was about seven and my aunt had taken me to her friend' house. The friend was celebrating her daughter's birthday and while going home, she handed me a pack of pencils. In the excitement to see what brand of pencils, I had received, I conveniently forgot to say 'Thank You' making my aunt prompt those words to me. And I know this that even though I duly repeated the prompt, I wasn't being enthusiastic or meaningful about it. It became like a formality that I had to adhere, lest my aunt started to feel affronted.
And this is what is important. Not just saying the words like a mantra, but meaning it whole-heartedly. After all, it does not take much to mean them, does it? When we can ask for favours without any qualms, why does it take second, third and quadruple thoughts to bring out a simple two-worded terminology? And for those, who invariably get their things done without being asked, the least you could do would be to show - and mean - the most poignant of words to the person bestowing the unasked favour on you.
The world's populace is many and varied. There are people who you want to avoid but are unable to do so; there is that lot that you want and crave to meet desperately, but who avoid you and then, there are friends. No other relationship offers carte blanche to the level that friendship does; where friendship is concerned, it is like there is no courtesy and there is no discourtesy.
This is perhaps the worst part of friendship; where one is revealed to bare everything because the unwritten rule and accord of friendship states that there cannot be any secrets between friends. And since sharing things is not a favour, the concept of being courteous does not even arise. One can push and shove, yell and cuss, ask and demand; but no way is one required to say sorry, please or thank you. It does not bode well for the culture of friendship, or so they say.
For most parts, this setting seems to be fine. But there are times when one actually expects one's friends to reciprocate and they fail do so, leading to unmitigated frustration - not just with the culpable but also with one's own self. And while one might not feel pity for oneself, the feeling of expectancy of such a gesture, would leave the person further mired in guilt and despondency.
Childishness would demand retribution and disappointing the censurable in the same manner, but then one were to do that, what would be the whole point of being an adult and dealing with things like these maturely? Maturity versus immaturity, friendship versus expectation, society versus trends; the list of mental disarray needing to be disambiguated at these times, looks to have no bounds.
Things, it is said, have a way of falling into place. But even if they do,courtesy still would remain as disambiguous as it is. Or maybe, it is crystal clear and I am the one who keeps expecting something more than it could actually be imparted to; Could be that, being courteous is as courteous does.
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