Friendship - In all its Murky Glory

The dynamics of friendship, if one were to notice, are ever-changing. And more the number of people one is closely associated with, the higher the rate of acceleration of changing dynamics. In any given environment, be it at home or at work or even at school or college, acceptance of perspectives – both from us to others’ and others’ to us, is never possible. 

 And if in case perspectives are aligned in the most convenient of manner, it wouldn’t be prudent to assume that the views and opinions would continue to do so. Each day brings about a newer line of thinking for each individual. Swirling thoughts become clearer, while thoughts with clarity become as murky as dirt mixed with water. 

As a part of a friend-circle, one gets to experience a lot. Intake and output of values, thoughts, ideas and opinions are so digressed that it becomes but natural that one pays a lot of attention to what is being discussed or debated upon. It is also in a friend-circle, that one understands the concept of closeness. Even though the whole group might be one, a rapport develops between two friends that is different and completely unlike the rapport shared with the rest of the group. Such a subset within a bigger picture is however not restricted to the same two people. Either one or both can have a closer rapport with someone else in the same group. 

While such an intrinsic development may not hamper the group’s resonance on the whole, sometimes on account of the aspect of confidentiality between two friends, there could be a juxtaposition and conflict of loyalties. In such situations, it becomes difficult to prioritise – which shadows the whole aspect of friendship. 

As a part of a group, even I have been forced to take and make choices. Certain choices have hurt but were necessary, while certain were remarkably easy to carry out. The point however, is not making choices or choosing sides. The point is about how to balance the scales in such a way that at no point of time, there emerges a conflict of interest. 

I am standing right in the middle of such a quagmire today – I cannot talk about certain issues for fear of complicating them yet the nature of forthrightness compels me to take a stand again and again. It’s as though each time I open my mouth, the wariness that has crept because of underlying tension and constraints rears its head and forces me to keep my opinions to myself. And yet even as I take a stance for not talking, I realise it’s not my problem which has caused these tensions to creep in. It is someone else’s fault, someone who does not even realise that they are the ones who have the situation to escalate; by allowing ego and pride to enter into an otherwise easy camaraderie.