Perplexities

Dignity wrung out,
Self-respect wrenched open,
Derision and contempt everywhere;
even my scruples look away...


I did not want this,
Yet contexts are reduced to this,
Trying and modifying, difficult;
When all routes end in a complex cul-de-sac...


Then I ponder about changes,
Wonder whether that's the justest option?
Then I think more and more;
But the answers, as always, somehow evade me...


There are critics and judgementalists,
Writing me down, bogging me down further;
They think they are gospels, preaching doctrines;
When their own life is as perturbed as mine...


Why can't they just let go,
Let me be me to think and understand further;
I know I will not be always right;
For if I was, then I wouldn't be a human, would I??

Questions

Burning desire, raging passion...
Sincere dedication, utmost devotion...
Ruthless pursuance, relentless struggle...
Only allure - the goal; nothing before, nothing after...

Teasing pictures, tantalising glimpses...
Distracting sounds, deviating scenery...
Meddling kith, intruding kin...
Making work and focus; 
Bleak and glassy...


Mental fatigue, physical weariness...
Emotional pall, spiritual lethargy...
Gnawing irritation, grappling vexation...
Forcing to abandon, compelling to destroy;

Solutions thrive, answers abound...
Responses satisfactory, Cues reliable...
Yet, why am I stalling?
The procrastination evident, the disinterest visible;


My pick of selections were my own;
Yet they seem unconnected and disjointed to me...
Have I been wrong, did I make a mistake?
I have none to ask...except my moral sense;
A sense that has long faded like my once-prosperous serenity...

Incongruity

Mundanity seeming to confound,
Friends appearing ambiguous,
Life - perplexing as never before...
Routes starting to blur,
Overlapping, intersecting and veering abruptly,
Start and finish-lines - missing and misleading...
Choices - blinking and flashing,
Fading away as spryly as they flash,
I look out - wanting an opinion,
Battling inner and outer demons;
Yet, no one's out there...
The ball's in my court;
The irony though - my loss any which way...

Experience and Truths

I thought I could rely on them,
I thought I could believe them,
But when the trust and belief was put to test;
All broke away, severing ties and my heart...
I still see them now,
Meet them, verbalise and converse;
But my trust and faith, never ever on them...
They point at me, curse and call me names;
I am wrong, they say but are they even right?
Subjective and relative theories;
They claim to be experts, 
When I give my say, they sneer and scoff...
My knowledge about people and friends, rudimentary;
Yet with them, I thought I had my life...
 My integrity, one sided;
For they never felt that way,
Each falling upon the other to put me down....
I now know what I have to do,
Need and want to do;
I need to escape them all,
Before my mind gets corrupted and jaded by their puerility...